


Let The Stars Be My Guide

by x_meiko_rose_x



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Child Abuse, Dumbledore Bashing, F/M, Good Malfoy Family, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Manipulative Dumbledore, Molly Weasley Bashing, Protective Sirius, Raising Harry, Ron Weasley Bashing, Young Harry, grey!malfoys, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-04
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 13:17:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3291695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/x_meiko_rose_x/pseuds/x_meiko_rose_x
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius escapes prison early and goes to find the only man he ever loved, only to realise Remus Lupin needs his love more than ever. Together they build their lives back up and find the strength to carry on, and maybe even start a family? Navigating through the trials life sends them (including the manipulative leader of the 'light') can this dysfunctional pair finally find peace in each other's arms?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**_Enjoy! Obviously I don't own Harry Potter or any of it's characters, I'm just playing with their lives for my own amusement :D Warnings for future child abuse and discussions of past rape (THE RAPE ISN'T BABY HARRY, I PROMISE!) - although none of that's in this chapter, I'm just warning people for the future._ **

 

Chapter One:

Remus was curled in his threadbare arm chair next to the small fire he'd managed to conjure, his magic had been weakening over the last three years and he was scared that soon there would be none left in him at all The weak flames lit up the otherwise dark and somewhat depressing cottage. Remus Lupin had never been rich, his family had wasted what little money they'd had trying to find a cure for him in his earlier years and by the time he was at Hogwarts they'd declared him a dead loss and disinherited him anyway. His curse found getting work next to impossible and his alienation from the Order hadn't helped matters. When James had been alive and Sirius had been free they'd let him live with them and supported him - ignoring his protestations that he hated charity - but now they were gone and he was alone.  
  
It was never more apparent that he had no one as it was at this time of the month, it was the day after the full moon and Remus could barely move, he was weak and in pain and he didn't know how many more moons he could survive through. Honestly he didn't know if he _wanted_ to survive any more. He'd lost everything. Alice and Frank had been tortured to insanity, James and Lily killed. Merlin only knows what had happened to Peter - for Remus refused to believe the generally accepted story - and Sirius, _his_ Sirius, his best friend who he had loved so dearly was locked up for a crime the Werewolf could not find it within himself to believe that the Marauder had committed.  
  
All of this would have been bad enough in isolation but to make matters worse Dumbledore refused to give him access to the one remaining member of his pack - baby Harry who would by now be nearly four years old. The old meddling fool who Remus had once respected said that Harry was " _happy"_ and that _"knowing a dark creature at this tender age would not be good for the boy_ ". Dumbledore had also alienated Remus from the Order, refusing to believe his desperate plea for them to see that Sirius was innocent.  
  
The weak wizard let out a chesty cough, he was getting ill but he couldn't afford Mungo's prices and pride would not allow him to bed Severus for help.

 

_**~******~** _

_  
_  
Empty. Hungry. _Hollow_... Sirius Black was getting lost in himself, he knew it. He didn't know how long he'd been stuck in hell but he _did_ know that without Padfoot his mind would have been already lost to him. The animagus form allowed him to escape the Dementor's torture, allowed him to retain his old memories... which in a way was almost worse than any misery the dark keepers of Azkaban could inflict on him.  
  
To his left was Bellatrix Lestrange, his cousin, chained in her cell like the animal she was. She screamed, she cried and Sirius knew that she had lost the little sanity she had been clinging to previous to her imprisonment. The Aurors had told her that her Lord was dead when they had dragged Sirius in. She hadn't believed it and Sirius was almost certain that the mutterings that had been coming from the cell ever since had been her trying to speak to Voldemort. _Begging_ him to respond. The Animagus took a sick kind of pleasure in the knowledge that this would not be happening. Thanks to his Godson. His Harry.  
  
 _Harry_... Sometimes Sirius was afraid that he would forget. That he would forget the happy baby that his pup had once been. But even more than that he was afraid that Harry would not remember him, that he wouldn't remember the funny, unreliable but loyal Uncle that Sirius had been. He was terrified that his Godson would grow up being told stories of the evil and dangerous Death Eater, Sirius Black. That if he ever did manage to see his Godson, Harry would sooner AK him than listen to the truth.

 

A door clanged shut a few cells down from his and Padfoot's head snapped up, the Grim shuffled back into the shadows so that he would not be seen but realistically he knew that no one was looking. He watched as highly polished shoes walked past his cell, though he could not see who the feet belonged to he was sure they belonged to an Auror, he remembered the deep red robes that brushed the feet of the shoes, remembered the pride he'd felt the first time he and James had worn their uniforms.  
  
What truly caught Padfoot's attention was the rustle of paper, he focused in on the Daily Prophet that had been dropped just outside of his cell - by accident he was certain. He froze for a few moments, waiting for it to be noticed and retrieved, but it wasn't. The footsteps faded into the distance and he knew that it would be underneath the radar of the Dementors.  
  
Slowly, Sirius transformed back into the dirty, decrepit man that the twenty five year old was becoming. He crawled painfully towards the bars of his cell, his thin arm reaching out and grasping the paper before pulling it back, hugging the precious link to the outside world to his chest. He scuttled back to his corner, laying the paper out in the thin beam of moonlight that poured from the one tiny high up window in his cell and he began to read.

 

_~******~  
_  
  
  
Remus' eyes were heavy as he fought against the sleepy fog that was threatening to overtake him. When Remus could help it he didn't sleep, Dreamless Sleep was just one more potion he couldn't afford and whilst he knew that rest would help his weak, broken body he couldn't take the faces that haunted his dreams. Lost friends, a lost future. His stomach growled with well accustomed hunger as he looked up at the old, battered clock on the wall, it was late.  
  
He sighed as he looked over the copy of the Daily Prophet that the post owl had delivered earlier that day. It was full of what he had come to expect. Articles praising Albus Dumbledore and those under Albus' direct protection. An article proclaiming that Severus Snape, youngest Potions Master ever was to adding to his growing list of accolades and become the youngest Potions professor in a century at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And then there were the articles that hurt Remus the most. Details of new Anti Werewolf Laws being put in place by the Ministry, even stricter than those before them. Laws that were designed to humiliate people like him, to make it impossible for them to live. There was also a well placed article discrediting him that he was certain Albus had paid someone to place in the paper. Remus had once been respected, well liked. When the Marauders had been at large people looked to Remus and saw an example of what Werewolves could be, given the chance.  
  
Now... Things were different. Thanks to Remus' refusal to follow obediently at Dumbledore's heels, taking every word he said as gospel, Remus had lost everything. His respect, his life, his livelihood... And now thanks to this article people would believe he had lost his sanity as well. Honestly the Werewolf was finding it hard to remember what he was even living for. Then he had to remember... _Harry_. One day he would be with Harry again.  
  
  
 _~******~_  
  
  
Sirius felt his breath quickening. He'd poured over the paper for hours now - desperate to find any mention of his Godson but finding none other than what was apparently a weekly made prayer of thanks to the "Boy Who Lived" for saving the world from He Who Must Not Be Named.  
  
He tried to ignore the crushing disappointment that gnawed at his heart from being unable to find out more about the baby he had loved. This was easier to do once he concentrated on another name he recognised.  
  
 _Remus Lupin._  
  
 _His_ Remus.... Insane? Unhinged? _Damaged_? And even a hint that he may be dark... He couldn't believe it. He wouldn't believe it. Not his Remus.  
  
But then... What would Remus have left to live for, really? His Pack destroyed, alone for the Moon for the first time since he had been sixteen.  
  
Realisation fell over Sirius like a dark cloak, laying heavy on his back. He had abandoned Remus. He'd left him to fend for himself... And now, thanks to him, his best friend could have lost his sanity.  
  
Sirius growled as he transformed, thanking Merlin for the fact he hadn't eaten in a long time. He knew he could fit through the bars if he tried, the Dementors wouldn't notice him in Grim form. For the first time since he had been imprisoned he had a reason to save himself. A reason to escape.  
  
 _"Hold on, Moony..."_ He thought, some of his old strength returning to his voice, even in his imagination, _"I'm coming."_


	2. Man and Mutt Meet

**_ Chapter Two - Man and Mutt Meet: _ **

 

_**Enjoy! Obviously I don't own Harry Potter or any of it's characters, I'm just playing with their lives for my own amusement :D Warnings for future child abuse and discussions of past rape (NOT BABY HARRY, I PROMISE!) - although none of that's in this chapter, I'm just warning people for the future.** _

 

 Sirius was running on adrenalin. He was starving, he was exhausted, he'd been tortured for the best part of three years but he was still going. All because he needed to see Remus, needed to know that the only friend he had left - if indeed Remus didn't hate him, which he well might - was surviving. He'd escaped the prison, Padfoot slipping under the radar of the ghoulish guards, scaled down the rocks that the fortress stood on and diving into the freezing waters below without a second thought.  


The wizard was uncertain whether it was his magic or pure chance that kept him alive. By rights he should have drowned in that water, or else frozen to death instead. Later Sirius would state firmly that the fates had decided he deserved a break after all the bullshit they had put him through - Remus insisted that Lily and James had been looking out for them - but either way he did survive. His late night skinny dipping sessions in the lake at Hogwarts had trained him well and that - combined with the natural paddle that any dog worth it's salt could handle - allowed Padfoot to propel himself towards shore.

   
He crawled onto dry ground and after three shaky steps the huge dog stumbled and fell, panting heavily.

 

_'Come on you stupid mutt.'_ Sirius growled within his mind, urging the dog to get up. Padfoot whined softly, struggling desperately, _'That's not **good** enough! You need to get up. We can rest later!'  
_

Sirius had always found it harder to combine himself and his form than his old friend had found it to merge the minds of James Potter and Prongs the stag. For Sirius it had been a constant struggle, Man and mutt vying for dominance. It had been easier when all the Marauders had been around but now - especially after Azkaban - his ability to separate them was hanging by a thread.

   
 _'Get up! **NOW!** '_ He screamed in his head, relaxing as Padfoot finally obeyed. He surged to his feet and kept going, shaking his shaggy fur from frozen water and walking towards civilisation. He needed to work out where he was so that he could find his way to Remus... Wherever Remus may be.  
  
  
The Marauder could only think of one place Remus might be - and that thought chilled him more than frigid English waters _ever_ could. Before that fateful Halloween Remus had been staying with Sirius, the Werewolf had always hated charity but James and Sirius had made a pact a long time ago, before they'd graduated they had promised each other that they would never allow their friend to starve just because society refused to recognise him as human. After graduation James and Sirius had bought a three bedroomed flat - a purchase that hadn't even made a dent in their pooled inheritances incidentally. When they had told Remus their friend had been furious. He had wanted to pay his way and when he had been unable to get a job he'd insisted that rather than be a 'burden' on them he would live in the small cottage that his Grandmother (the only family member who hadn't abandoned him) had left him in her will. Sirius and James had visited Remus in that cottage only once. It had been crumbling and cold and almost derelict even then... And the visit had ended in Sirius slinging Remus over his shoulder and _carrying_ him back to their flat.

 

But now... Remus was smart and kind and a million things that Sirius was not. Unfortunately one of those things was a Werewolf and another, if the Prophet was to be believed, was "insane". There was no way that Remus had a job and if Sirius hadn't been released from Azkaban that meant that the Potter Will hadn't been read, which meant that Remus didn't have any money either. With no job and no money there was only one place his gentle friend could be and that terrified him.

 

This thought spurred both Sirius and Padfoot on. The dog limped towards the smell of food, his nose twitching and his stomach gurgling with intense hunger. After an hours journey he found himself in a small muggle town. He kept to the shadows, not because he was afraid of being recognised (no one knew he was an Animagus after all and besides these were _muggles_ ) but because experience had taught him that people didn't tend to welcome large, dirty stray dogs.

 

The world didn't seem to have changed much since he'd been away. Everything ticked on as normal for these people - people who's lives hadn't been changed forever by the events of a Halloween years before. A quick glance at a billboard told the Marauder that it was September 1984 which meant he'd been locked away for nearly three years and that his Godson would be four by now.

 

Sirius tried not to let this thought bother him too much. Harry had been standing the last time he'd seen him but he hadn't been walking yet, so he'd have missed his first steps. He'd missed watching Harry transform from a baby to a toddler and if he didn't see him soon he'd miss the transformation from toddler to child. The Grim shook his large shaggy head as though to clear it from the train of thought it was stuck on, he couldn't think about Harry right now. First he had to check on Remus _then_ he could worry about his Godson. He just had to trust that wherever Hagrid had taken Harry, he was happy and healthy.  
  
  
"Doggy!" A loud voice squealed to his side.  
  
  
The dog's head snapped around, teeth bared and ready for battle but instantly he stopped growling as he found himself face to face with a little girl. She was maybe around four or five and dressed in shorts and a pink T-Shirt, her feet clad in trainers and frilly socks. She let out a scared whimper and instantly Padfoot lowered his front paws so that his front dipped forwards. He lowered his ears and let out a soft whine of apology, butting his head against her small hand. The last thing he wanted was to scare an innocent child and on a more selfish note he really didn't need to bring angry parents down on his head.  
  
  
She giggled and petted him, "You come with me now!" The little girl said bossily, grabbing his fur with her tiny hand and pulling him towards her house.  
  
  
Reluctantly the Grim followed, the house smelled of food and with any luck he wouldn't be chased away with a broom. As they approached the house the door opened and a woman sighed as she gazed down at her daughter with a look of loving exasperation. She had kind blue eyes and curly brown hair that looked like a tamed version of her daughter's messy pigtails, "Oh, Hermione... _Another_ one?"  
  
  
"Daddy said we gotta be nice to strays 'cause they haven't got anyone." The little girl insisted, gazing up at her mum earnestly, "An' my teacher said that lots and lots of doggies are in doggy prisons 'cause no one wants them!"  
  
  
The older woman sighed, her daughter was too clever for her own good. The little girl had just started school that month and she should have known it would just get worse, "Alright. You'd better bring him in then. He looks like he could do with a bath and a good meal... But I'm warning you now, young lady, _one_ growl and he's straight out of that door."  
  
  
"Yay! C'mon, Snuffles!"

 

The Grim huffed, _'Snuffles'_ , that was a new one... He quite liked it though, he might use it again. Sirius hesitated, on the one hand he _needed_ to get to Remus but on the other he wasn't going to help his friend by dying on the way. If the dog could have sighed he would have done but instead he followed the girl - Hermione? - into the house, resigning himself to a day of having his fur pulled and ears poked.  
  
  
  
 ** _~******~_**  
  
  
  
As it turned out Sirius allowed himself to stay for a whole week. He knew it was selfish and he knew that he should have left days ago but every time he'd almost decided to leave, someone fed him something delicious, or offered him a warm bath, or brushed his coat and every time he decided that another day couldn't hurt.  
  
Hermione was actually a very smart child - Sirius suspected there was some magic in her - and her parents were extremely kind (and something called Den-Teests which the wizard didn't understand). They'd all welcomed the stray into their home and he was almost reluctant to leave them. Even though he hadn't transformed in days he was quite enjoying just being a pet and being looked after for once, after the years of hell he'd suffered.  
  
But it had been seven days, he was stronger than he'd been since he was arrested, he'd gained a little weight and he was clean. It was time to move on. The Grim padded up the stairs and pushed his way into Hermione's room, he licked the sleeping child's face softly in thanks before letting himself out of the house. He'd learnt he wasn't actually far from his friend's cottage - maybe a days running? - and he was determined to have laid his eyes on the lycan before nightfall.  
  
The Grim spared a glance for the dark rain clouds gathering above him and he began to run.  
  
  
  
 ** _~******~_**

  

It was dark and it was raining. Remus had just put a pot under every one of the leaks in his roof and he was curled by his pathetic fire, trying to keep warm. A well worn out copy of _'Great Expectations'_ lay open on his lap and he was reading. Remus still loved to read, some of the only possessions he had yet to try and sell were his books, they were all stored in water resistant trunks in his bedroom (which incidentally had used so much of his weakening magic that he had slept for two days after warding them). Books were his solace, they always had been and as such he was not completely happy when his peace was destroyed by an insistent scratching on his front door.  
  
  
At first he tried to ignore it, reasoning that it was likely a tree from the path scratching it's branches on the aging wood. However the sound did not cease and now that Remus had heard it he couldn't ignore it. Sighing he managed to pull himself out of his chair with some difficulty, tears prickling in his eyes - he was only twenty five, he shouldn't hurt this much. Reaching for his old, darned robe he wrapped it around the rags he called pyjamas, and he limped heavily towards the door, running a hand through his already greying bronze hair. He leant heavily against the door as it swung open. His amber eyes widened as he took in the dog on his doorstep. Skinnier than he remembered but definitely Padfoot. He shook his head, clearing it of those thoughts - anyone would think he actually _was_ the crazy idiot everyone thought he was - of course it wasn't Sirius. Sirius was in Azkaban. He couldn't save him.  
  
  
"I..." Remus hesitated, looking around, "W-What are you doing here?" He asked, his voice hoarse with illness, "This isn't your home. _Shoo_..." He swallowed when the dog didn't move, "Oh... Fine. Come in then... You can't stay out there in the cold. Not that in here is much warmer." Remus muttered the last sentence to himself, wishing he was strong enough to use more magic. He limped back a few steps to allow the dog to enter his house. Sirius it may not be, but he couldn't deny that he would like the company.

   
The dog padded into the room, shaking himself dry and making Remus groan as his clothes were soaked.

  
"Thank you for that." The Werewolf drawled, rolling his eyes, too many times his friend had pulled that trick on him, "You know... You remind me of a friend I once had." He limped towards his bathroom and grabbed a threadbare towel, throwing it down in front of the fire, "Go lie down if you like... I'll see what food I have in."  
  
  
Remus shook his head in disbelief as he walked back to his kitchen. He was crazy, that's all there was to it. Here he was starving and he was allowing a, likely dangerous, stray into his home and feeding it food he could sorely afford to give away. If he was being honest with himself he'd admit that he was lonely and any company was better than no company at all. Besides... He really did look like Sirius and even though he knew in his heart that this was just a dog, he couldn't help but dream.  
  
  
The lycan opened his fridge and jumped as he felt a heavy weight leaning against his leg, "Not going to lie down then?" He chuckled, breaking off with a hacking cough, "Well... I suppose you're welcome here for as long as you like, it's not much but it's home... well... it's _not_ home but it's all I have." The wizard shrugged and sighed as he looked at the meagre contents of his fridge, "So... Are you hungry?" Remus paused and then shook his head as he realised he was actually waiting for the animal to _answer_ , "Get a hold of yourself, Lupin." He muttered under his breath.  
  
  
He looked over the fridge. A small bottle of milk, an even smaller bottle of pumpkin juice, some ham, three eggs, half a loaf of questionable bread and four squares of carefully hoarded chocolate. Slowly he made himself a cup of tea, using one of the last of his tea bags and slipped one precious square of chocolate into his mouth before shredding the ham onto a plate and filling a bowl with water, putting both on the floor before collapsing back into a rickety kitchen chair.  
  
  
"That's for you." He said softly, "I'm sorry that it's not much. I'll go shopping tomorrow." Remus thought of the gold pocket watch that James, Lily and Sirius had given him for his seventeenth birthday, knowing that he wouldn't get one off of his own father. He would finally have to let it go, "Between the fact I can't get work and I spend what little I do have on meetings with the Ministry." The young male shook his head, "Well... I need to call you something. I'm going to call you Pads. You... remind me of someone." He regretfully swallowed the last of his piece of chocolate, considering getting another before deciding against it and sipping his tea instead.  
  
  
The dog didn't move, just sat back on it's haunches and stared unnervingly at him. Remus rolled his eyes, "Please eat it." He said quietly, "I... I don't think I'd be able to cope with waking up and finding a dead dog in my living room. Not that I actually sleep." He allowed, rubbing a hand over his face tiredly. He watched the dog for a little while longer, "Why do I get the feeling you want me to eat this?" The lycan hesitated before bending and picking up the plate. He pulled out a couple of slices of bread and spread them with the thinnest layer of butter possible before filling the sandwich with half the ham, "I can't believe I'm acting like this dog can understand me." He muttered to himself, "I must be lonelier than I thought..." Remus looked up, putting the other half back on the floor, "We'll share alright?"  
  
  
He took his sandwich and what was left of his tea and curled back in his armchair, staring into the flames for a few moments before he started to speak again, "I... I don't know if you're planning to stick around. I kind of hope you do... But I should warn you that I have a meeting with Dumbledore and Crouch tomorrow... not that you'll know who they are." He sighed, "But either way it won't end well for me... and I can't guarantee that there won't be people with pitchforks at the door by tomorrow night. You might be safer finding a new home."  
    
  
 

****_~******~_  
  
 

Sirius was reeling, Remus was at least alive but Merlin knew for how long that would remain the case. The Remus _he_ remembered was scarred, that much was true, but he was strong and handsome and so many other things. _This_ Remus was like a shadow of the one he remembered. He looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders and he looked like he'd given up. He was greying and miserable and Padfoot's hearing picked up the unhealthy wheeze of his chest, his eyesight saw the way his ancient clothes were hanging off his frame and his friend still had open wounds from his last transformation. Sirius felt sick with the realisation that no one was there to help his friend after the Moon anymore.

 

He spotted the inside of his friend's fridge and growled, he was sure this was a feast compared to what his friend was used to and suddenly he almost pined for the food and shelter that his cell at Azkaban had provided. Sirius pointedly didn't touch the ham as it was put in front of him, he'd been fed twelve hours ago by the Granger's whereas he was pretty sure Remus only fed himself when he was _absolutely_ desperate. Once the Werewolf took a bite of his sandwich Padfoot allowed himself to wolf down the rest of the food.  
  
  
The Grim's ears pricked up at the mention of a meeting with Albus and Barty, what could Remus possibly need to see them for? Was he in trouble? The idea of gentle, kind, Remus ending up in Azkaban, even the lower levels, physically hurt his heart. He was determined to find evidence of the reason behind the meeting while Remus was sleeping.

 

For the rest of the night Padfoot followed Remus like a shadow, leaning heavily against his side and allowing the man to put a hand in his fur to steady his swaying steps. If Remus thought it strange he didn't mention it and Sirius wasn't willing to stop helping even if he had have done. That night he watched as Remus lay in bed and tried to evade sleep. Growling he jumped up onto the bed and curled around the sick man, huffing happily as he felt the Werewolf melt into the warmth he provided. A little while later he heard his friend's tortured breathing even out as he fell into a deep sleep and Sirius felt a thrill of happiness that he could help, even in this small way, before he joined Remus in sleep. Glad they were together again, finally.  


_~******~_  


 

Logically Remus knew that this was just a dumb animal. He knew that no amount of _wishing_ and _hoping_ could make his Sirius come back to him. However as Remus curled into the comforting heat of the animal he'd allowed into his home he couldn't help but feel complete for the first time in years. As he drifted of to sleep Remus closed his eyes and prayed that one day he could lay with Sirius like this, not just his substitute.

 

**_Angst! All of the angst! I apologise for that... But I can't promise it'll stop. There will be fluff too though, I promise! Also... baby Hermione! Not sure where she came from, it just felt right :D_ **


	3. Lover Meets Lover

_**Enjoy! Obviously I don't own Harry Potter or any of it's characters, I'm just playing with their lives for my own amusement :D Warnings for future child abuse and discussions of past rape (NOT BABY HARRY, I PROMISE!) - although none of that's in this chapter, I'm just warning people for the future.** _

 

_On another note I am so so sorry that this has taken so long to update, my hours have been upped to full time at work and most days I don't get in until late in the evening and then I have to be up early in the morning. However I get two days off a week so I'll try to devote one of those days to writing a new chapter every week so just bear with me!_  
  
_Also... I have issues with pacing and I don't want this story to be too short so I'm trying really hard to reign myself in my other problem is Sirius. Remus comes naturally to me and I find writing him really easy but Padfoot presents a bit more of a problem, I'm just not sure I'm doing him justice. What do you all think? Baring in mind that this is an AU so he's not going to be exactly like canon!Sirius do you guys think I'm doing an okay job or do you have any advice? I'd be really grateful for any opinions you guys have to offer :)_  
  
_Anyway... Excuses out of the way... On with chapter three!_

_  
~******~  
  
  
_ Remus woke to an empty, cold bed. That in itself should not have been strange, after all he was used to it, but today it seemed different somehow. He had fallen asleep warm and with companionship and had woken by himself, somehow it made him feel even more empty than he was used to.  
  
Shaking his head at his own stupidity the werewolf slipped out of bed, barely noticing the pain as his feet hit the freezing cold floor. He pulled on his threadbare robe and limped out of his bedroom, fully expecting to find his front door broken down and the stray gone. What he found instead had his body go rigid in terror and disbelief. Sat on his broken down furniture was a naked, painfully thin Sirius Black. His friend had changed over the last few years - there was no denying that. Sirius had always been taller that Remus, even taller than James, but he had had the build to pull it off. He'd had muscles and broad shoulders, now the majority of that had wasted away and his friend was almost as emaciated as Remus was himself - the lycan imaged that if it had not been for Padfoot then Sirius would look much worse than he did already. The Black heir's hair, which had once been his pride and joy, was now long and unkempt, tangled at the base of his neck and Sirius's once expressive eyes now looked sunken and almost dead however there was still a spark buried within them that Remus was sure would have disappeared had he spent more time in the hell-hole that was Azkaban.  
  
"S-Sirius..?" Remus managed to croak out, his voice weak and shaky to even his own ears, "Is... Is that...?" He shook his head and drew his wand from his pocket, pointing it at the form that had taken the image of his lost friend. His hand shook but he did not waver as his amber eyes narrowed in anger and disbelief. Even as the stranger's eyes snapped to the sound of Remus' voice the werewolf was going through possibilities in his mind - Boggart? No... Impossible, after all he did not _fear_ Sirius' return, more _craved_ it. Inferi? Possible. Had his friend perished in prison and he not been made aware? Gollum? Perhaps. There were plenty who now hated him enough to pull such a cruel trick, "Who _are_ you?" His voice was cold, a tone that did not sound natural in Remus' normally soft timbre.

 

"You know me, old friend." Sirius said softly, his eyes not leaving Remus', his voice hoarse from disuse, "Ask the question." Both knew that Remus' magic was too weak to actually use the wand he had pointed at Sirius' chest, but Remus was too scared to care and Sirius respected his friend too much to point it out.  
  
The werewolf swallowed noticeably and leant against the doorway for support, not sure his legs could hold him up without it, "When... How old were the Marauders when they discovered my secret?" He asked quietly, "And what was my reaction?"  
  
"We were thirteen." Sirius answered without hesitation, "Although it took us another two years to figure out how to help. And you started to pack your bags. You believed we would shop you to the Ministry... Peter wanted to. Prongs and I wouldn't allow it."

 

Remus' wand clattered to his floor and he sunk to his knees, "It's... It's truly you." He stated rather than asked, "You escaped."  
  
"I did." Padfoot responded in a clipped tone, his eyes growing harsh as he stood up - seemingly uncaring of his unclothed state, "And now perhaps you can explain to me what these are all about." He threw papers and letters, official looking pieces of parchment at the floor in front of Remus, "What the _bloody_ hell were you thinking, you complete and utter _prat_?!"

 

The werewolf's eyes widened and he struggled to his feet, casting a cursory glance at the court notes at his feet, "Are you..? Sirius are you actually angry at me for trying to get you out of that hellhole? What in Merlin's name is wrong with you? I was trying to save your life! And for the love of God would you put on some damn _trousers_?!"  
  
"How about trying to save your own life?" Sirius roared back, straining his throat to get his point across, getting right up in Remus' personal space, "Look at this place! It wasn't habitable four years ago and it sure as hell isn't now! You're wasting your money on me, Moony! You're alienating yourself for nothing! The Wizengamot barely listens to it's own seat holders what makes you think they'd listen to a weak, damaged _creature_ like you?!"

 

Remus flinched back from Sirius' tone and harsh words, hurt flashed through his expressive eyes but he held his ground, "I am not going to apologise for doing the right thing, Sirius. I let them take you, the least I could do was atone for that. You and Harry... You're the last of what's mine, Pads... You're Pack... I... I need... I can't..." His words failed him as he ran a shaky hand through his greying hair, unable to articulate the rush of emotions his was feeling, he took a deep breath and looked right into Sirius' stormy eyes, "I. Had. No. _Choice_." He hissed, letting the anger he'd felt for years flow through him. His eyes narrowed once more, "I _loved_ you, you crazy idiot! And I know you didn't kill Lily and James but did you have to pull a stunt like the one you did in Diagon Alley? You  _abandoned_  me, Sirius. I was  _alone_. I know you and James liked to congratulate yourselves on the fact that I was treated relatively well but did you ever think that maybe that was just because I was friends with a Potter and Black? Even a disowned one?" He sighed tiredly, "I... I had to do something. I always trusted Dumbledore... he was the one who let me go to Hogwarts in the first place... I thought he'd listen but he just... he told me to drop it or I'd regret it. I didn't believe him but then... he turned everyone against me. I already couldn't get jobs in our world but suddenly even muggle business owners were getting anonymous tips that I had a  _disease_..." Remus swallowed, "You're all I have, Sirius. I couldn't see you rot in Azkaban for something you hadn't done. Crouch has been trying to put me away for years." He laughed hoarsely, coughing at the end of it, "Can't get any evidence I was ever a spy though and now that the craziness from the war has died down he can't convict without a trial." The werewolf hesitated, his voice thick with emotion, "I was never a spy you know. Despite what you all thought. Dumbledore knew that... He was the one who sent me to Greyback's pack. He thought I could convince them to come to the light... old fool. All it did was make me the pack's Omega for the best part of a year." Remus shuddered violently at the thought of the unspeakable things Greyback and his pack had done to him.

 

Padfoot was frozen in place, he couldn't believe a rant like that had just come from mild mannered Remus Lupin. Remus... always the calm one, the one who kept he and James in line. Mind... He'd been left alone by everyone he cared about, abandoned by those he trusted, Sirius supposed he had the right to be angry. The escaped prisoner deflated a little sinking back on the sofa and trying to ignore the way it groaned under even his light weight. He pulled the ratty throw off of the back of it over his lap and looked up at his friend with remorseful eyes, "James and I... We didn't want to believe you were the spy." He tried to explain in a strangled voice, "But... We weren't presented with a long of options. We knew it wasn't either of us and... well no one could have suspected Peter." He laughed bitterly, "You kept disappearing... and Dumbledore didn't tell us where. So many werewolves were being tempted by the dark..." He shook his head, "We should have believed in you. Made you the secret keeper."  
  
"No." Remus said softly, letting the pain and anger bleed out of him as he sat next to Sirius tiredly, "You did the right thing. You believed the only possible option at the time. Like you said... No one could have suspected Peter - not then at least. And... even for a short time I believed you to be the traitor also. We're both at fault."

 

Sirius was quiet for a long time before something occurred to him, Remus' words had finally bled through to him, "Did... Did you just say you loved me?" He asked, his face a mask of shock with just a hint of his old roguish smile.  
  
"Of course I did." The lycan breathed, "I thought that you knew that. James and Lily certainly did. Merlin, even Severus guessed. I... I know that you could never..."  
  
He was silenced by his face being grabbed by large, rough hands and lips had met his own. He panicked for a moment and tried to push back against the man invading his personal space but then he smelt it. Underneath the sweat and the grime there was that sweet, earthy smell, the smell that had hit him every time they'd had to brew Amortentia in Potions. Sirius.  
  
The lycan kissed back, he didn't know why Sirius was kissing him and he didn't care, all that mattered was that he was finally getting to kiss the man he had been in love with for so long, he finally wasn't alone. Eventually he gained the strength to pull away, his fingers ghosting over his lips,

 

Sirius had no fucking idea how or why Remus kissed him back but he let him, feeling the love and need envelope him, when his friend pulled away Sirius swallowed, "I... I love you too." He rasped, " _Have_ loved you... always. Which is why I hate to see you killing yourself like this. We need to work this out. We need to find Peter. He's not dead, Remy... He cut of his own finger, killed all those Muggles then ran like the rat he is.."

 

Remus paled slightly as reality hit him with a bump, "So... It was Peter..." His face darkened, he'd always assumed - if it hadn't been Sirius then who else could it have been? - but hearing it from Sirius himself made it so much more real, "If I ever get my hands on that rat I'll kill him with my own bare hands." He was shaking with emotion, "What are we going to do, Sirius?" His voice trembled in fear, "I can't hide you here forever, once they discover you've escaped here will be the first place they raid. I suppose we could ask Severus for some Veritaserum but... He's made it very clear he won't supply me with potions unless I get down on my knees and beg. I've refused until now, no matter how much I may need healing potions but... I'll do it for you. I have to."

 

"No." Padfoot growled, the canine side of his personality making itself known, "No. I don't trust Snape and I don't like him. Don't think I can't tell from your hints that he's been making your life hell since James and I left. We'll find another way. I'm not a bad brewer... I can do it. If we can get the ingredients. I'm a Black... And Cissy... She might help." Sirius had always loved his cousin and he was one of the few people who knew that she and Lucius were more grey than dark. He looked at Remus, a gentle look taking over his haunted eyes, "We have time, Rem... It'll take them time to get here. Just... Let me look after you today?"  
  
Remus let out a hollow laugh, "I think I should be looking after you, not the other way around. How are you so clean? How are you not starving."  
  
"I...uh..." Sirius rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed, "I might have been playing puppy for a little muggleborn girl for the last week."  
  
"Oh that's perfect." Remus snorted, "Please tell me she put ribbons in your fur?" He sobered a little and stroked his lover's matted hair, "At least let me cut this for you..." He hummed as Sirius drew him into a soft kiss, allowing himself to be comforted a little before pulling back and casting a critical eye over the scars and cuts and torture marks adorning Sirius' body, "Hang on." He stood up, groaning in pain, and made his way over to his bedroom, moments later he came back with a pot of healing salve - he's clearly been saving the last of it a long time. Heedless of the wounds littering his own body from the night before he scooped the last of the salve our of the jar and rubbed it into Sirius's chest and back before the other man could protest. Remus sighed in relief as he watched the wounds knit together and heal, "There you go."

Sirius' eyes widened as he realised what was happening his grabbed the pot back off Remus and searching inside it, already knowing it would be empty. Growling he looked over Remus' own battered body, "You idiot! You had the means to heal yourself all this time and you let yourself suffer?! Then wasted it on me!"  
  
Moony sighed, "Oh come on Sirius, I think we can both agree you needed it more than me. You've been tortured in Azkaban." He rolled his eyes as if Sirius was being ridiculous. The truth was he'd decided a long time ago that he would only heal his wounds if it was absolutely necessary, it got awfully expensive.  
  
"It's not a competition." Sirius argued stubbornly, "We _both_ needed it. Now come on." He stood up and held out a hand, "We're going to Grimmauld Place, it's still mine and there should be some money in a safe there. We'll contact Cissy and get you healed, then we'll look at clearing my name. And then we can have a very serious conversation about Harry and why the hell he isn't here with you."  
  
Remus stood up weakly and took Sirius' hand, "Alright... Just... let me pack my books." He headed to his room slowly, only to stick his head out a few moments later, throwing a bundle of cloth at Padfoot, "And Pads? ... I really think that you should get dressed before we go anywhere." He said softly, fondness blending into his tone.

 

Sirius chuckled as he caught the clothes, they had a long way to go but they could fix this. First step, Grimmauld Place.

 

**_~******~_ **

 

_**There's a lot of talking in this one but it was necessary, next chapter introduces grey!Malfoys and possibly baby Harry... I was too tired to proofread this so if I've made any mistakes let me know and I'll get them fixed!** _

_**Comment and let me know what you think :)** _

_**Love you all!** _

****


	4. Not a new chapter but have no fear!

Hello Reader Peoples!

I just want to say I am so so sorry, there is absolutely no excuse for me amount of time I have left this fic. Unfortunately, real life got in the way – I’ve been made full time at work and honestly it’s kicking my arse a little bit, by the time I get to my days off I’m either knackered or desperately learning how to drive a tiny metal box that can kill people (seriously… why did I wait until I was 25 to do this?! Why did I not just get it out of the way when I was 17 like all the sensible people? Cars are freaking scary!)

Anyway! Without all the rambling the long and short of it is that I really hope people are still with me and still interested in this fic… I know I am. I absolutely promise from the bottom of my heart that the new chapter will be posted tomorrow night at the latest. I will do my best to make it a decent length and there will definitely absolutely be Malfoys and an adorable tiny Harry in it.

But I do have one question for anyone interested. Lucius Malfoy. I have to admit I’m a bit of a sucker for decent Lucius, and obviously this story is going to be painfully OC with the dark being the better of two evils. HOWEVER… How do you readers feel? Should I make Lucius a good guy or should he stay properly evil while just Narcissa and Draco are on Remus and Sirius’ side? I am undecided.

So if any of you are still out there and still care can you help me out? 

Thank you so much and I shall see you all tomorrow with a brand new chapter!

xxx

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfic I have written in a long time and the only WolfStar I've ever attempted despite always wanting to. In fact it's the only Harry Potter fic I've ever written... So if I'm a little rusty I really do apologise!
> 
> With that in mind please be kind but I always welcome constructive criticism, I just want to get better!
> 
> Anyway I'd love to know what you guys think and whether it's even worth me continuing this fic... I hope you like it cause I have lots of plot bunnies for how to continue... but yeah, drop a comment and let me know :D
> 
> Love you all!


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